My 3-Second Therapy: How Strangers’ Greetings Changed My Day
Just because I'm a counsellor doesn't mean I can magically deflect the world's stress. I'd started my day with a head full of polarised news, and it wasn't until I felt the effects of momentary connection that I realised the weight I was carrying. My walk taught me two things: how easily we're burdened by headlines, and how simple acts of kindness can unburden us just as fast.
Corsham High Street
Leaving for work last Thursday, I carried a heavy, unseen weight. Like no doubt many people, I'd spent the early morning watching the news, filling my head with the latest headlines of polarisation, division, and conflict. The soundbites and images of people seemingly working against each other were still whirring around, creating an unconscious mental burden, a low-level emotional stress that I hadn't even realised was settling over me.
It was with that feeling of a fractured world weighing on my shoulders, that I set out on my walk through Corsham to the Wellbeing Clinic. Then, something simple and entirely unexpected happened. Being welcomed several times by perfect strangers, a warm smile, a nod, or a genuine "good morning" was instantly uplifting. It didn't just feel polite; it felt deeply reassuring. I noticed an immediate drop in that internal stress, felt significantly more relaxed, and my entire outlook on the world became noticeably better. This fleeting experience confirmed a powerful truth: a simple acknowledgment is far more vital to our well-being than we realise.
The Science of a Micro-Connection
When a stranger meets our eye and offers a friendly greeting, we are engaging in what psychologists call a micro-moment of connection. This is more than just good manners; it's a beautifully choreographed biological dance that benefits both parties.
Satisfying a Fundamental Need: As philosopher Kwame Anthony Appiah observed, mutual acknowledgment satisfies a fundamental human need for connection. This need originates from our evolutionary history, as forming social bonds provided critical survival advantages like protection and resources.
The Dopamine Hit: These short, effortless interactions are crucial for our mental health. They provide a quick, invaluable sense of being seen, boosting our mood and reducing anxiety. For many, especially those prone to social anxiety, these micro-connections are a blessing because they offer the reward of connection without the exhaustion of extended interaction.
Use It or Lose It: Our capacity to share in these moments depends on exercising our 'heart and brain muscles.' Social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson warns that when it comes to friendliness, our hearts, minds, and bodies obey the biological law: use it or lose it. If we don't exercise it regularly through simple acts of friendliness, we become less capable of feeling connected, leading to increased isolation and stress.
Use it, or loose it!
More Than Etiquette: A Conscious Choice for Good
The powerful feeling I had through the connection offered to me, stems from something much deeper than just courtesy; it’s about respect. When a stranger chooses to acknowledge you, owing you nothing, they reassure you that you are accepted, seen, and have value. They confirm that you are not beneath their notice.
Conversely, the experience of being ignored, or ostracism, is a genuine source of pain, affecting the same part of the brain that registers physical pain. As I have heard numerous times from those who live on the streets, feeling invisible Is often the hardest part of homelessness.
This unexpected kindness suggests that saying 'hello' elevates beyond mere social etiquette; it's an affirmation of shared humanity. Could it be that we have a quiet opportunity, every day, to affirm the worth of the people right in front of us, recognising their inherent need to be seen and to matter?
Reclaiming Our Common Ground
So perhaps the solution to the feeling of modern isolation and division is astonishingly simple. The friendly acknowledgment I received as I ambled to and from work, offers a mutual benefit: the giving and receiving of connection and the confirmation that we are all worthy of respect.
So, let's consciously step out of our bubbles and make a deliberate effort to initiate this positive ripple effect in our own towns and neighbourhoods. How would it be, if next time you pass someone on the street you:
Meet their eye.
Offer a genuine smile, nod, or a simple "Hello."
Acknowledge your shared humanity.
By choosing to see and greet the people around us, we don't just improve their day; we fundamentally improve our own sense of well-being, reduce our stress, and actively build the kinder, more connected community we all long for. Let's make the simple "hello" our greatest tool for reclaiming our common ground.
If the kind of stress and disconnection I described, the weight of world events, feelings of isolation, or general anxiety is currently burdening you, please know you don't have to carry it alone. As a counsellor, I'm here to offer professional support. I invite you to contact Corsham Counselling if you want a dedicated space to talk through the impact of these feelings and find ways to unburden yourself.
